My First Post

Tf is even the point of a subtitle? (rhetorical)

It’s much, much easier to listen than it is to speak. I’m always hesitating and, more often than not, retreating because I don’t know what I’ll say before it’s already been said and my lot is cast and that’s that. I never have known and fear I never will. There’s this adrenaline rush of free fall sometimes when I do speak, a flash grenade of energy. But today there is a melodic hum of defeat happening somewhere behind me. I want to know. I want to have a title before I start writing, and I want to have a thesis already in mind to guide me in one direction, to make sure I don’t stray too far or ramble too long. I want to know if anyone will know that I’m here at all. If taking the time to delete sentences is worth the effort of having come up with them in the first place. Can you tell what I’ve done? Do you hear a synthetic alignment of sentence structure or do you hear me? Am I finding the perfect middle between well constructed and honest? Am I what everyone wants to read? Am I a writer now? Is this what I should be doing? I can do something else if you want. I can be shorter, more raw, less polished and practiced if that would make more sense, if someone would hear me better. I can be anything the world wants of me as long as there’s a quiet place to hesitate, reword, and delete.